BADDIE-LIKE @ A Gathering of Flames Gala, Vol. 22
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Hey y'all! I hope this message finds you well.
In my humble opinion, certain words and phrases carry rigid, outdated mindsets and Ladylike is one of them. Hear me out..
Sit this way. Dress like this. Make sure to cover that. Soften here. Be polished, but never ever too loud. Be FEMININE, but according to whose definition?
As I prepared my look for Torch's 20th celebration opening gala, I noticed it while flipping through The Style Thesaurus. It defined Ladylike as an aesthetic built around refinement: pencil skirts, pearls, floor length gowns, ballet pumps, soft colors, careful tailoring and the kind of femininity associated with primarily White women like Jackie Kennedy and Grace Kelly.
Beautiful? Sure. But the overall standpoint of the style itself? I don’t know. It felt a little stuffy and definitely not inclusive of the very wide spectrum of femininity to me. And if I’m being fair, a little too interested in rules. And maybe it's the Aquarian in me, but I really don't like being told what to do...
SO I RENAMED IT...
Baddie-like.
And I’m not disregarding the necessary elegance and glamour fit for a gala full of brilliant Black woman writers, poets and scholars. I'm expressing my overall disinterest in attaching any societal normalities to whether someone successfully performs “ladyhood.”
Baddie-like offers way more opportunity. It can be feminine. Masculine. Both. Neither. Soft one evening and sharp the next. It isn’t dictated by how much skin you show or not, whether you own pearls, how gracefully you cross your legs, or whether somebody's Silent Gen grandmother would approve. It’s dressing in whatever makes you recognize yourself in the mirror. And that feels farrrrr more interesting to me. And based on all the beautifully unique looks of the night, I'd say my fellow gala baddies would absolutely have to agree.
Gold grillz, tailored vests and slacks, sparkling boots, and glamorized natural buns. Whew! It was truly a sight to see!
A GATHERING OF FLAMES
The occasion for my Baddie-like reconsideration was a particularly special one. I was personally invited as a guest to the inaugural Torch Awards Gala, part of A Gathering of Flames, Torch Literary Arts’ 20th anniversary celebration here in Austin.
And I had to sit with that one for a minute. I’ve been doing the silent work of a determined and dedicated writer with little-to-no audience for quite some time. But there's something beautiful about noticing a subtle shift—when you move from searching for spaces where your work might belong to realizing that some of those spaces are beginning to lovingly call your name.
Torch has spent two decades publishing, promoting and creating opportunities for Black women writers across the diaspora. What began in 2006 has grown into a literary organization that has featured more than 300 writers and built programming around readings, workshops, retreats and professional development. Their anniversary weekend brought that history together through the inaugural awards gala, readings, panels, writing sessions and community gatherings. Torch’s executive director, Amanda Johnston, has described this anniversary as a celebration of a community where Black women writers can know that a space already exists for them, regardless of where they are in their writing journey. And I absolutely love that declaration. And can attest to her promise as someone new to the city three years ago with no community who was welcomed immediately with open arms at my first attended event.
So hell yes. I accepted my invitation with a full heart and y'all know how I do. I got dressed downnn for the occasion!
WHO GETS TO BE A LADY?
Ideas about “proper” womanhood have never been neutral. There are expectations tucked deeply inside that word—about femininity, class, respectability, sexuality, presentation and whose version of womanhood is considered refined enough to receive the title. And that’s precisely why I didn't want my interpretation to center surrendering to that notion.
I wanted it to be about me and anyone else reading these words becoming more fully ourselves. And as a Black woman and writer whose work keeps returning to authenticity, liberation, healing and inherited possibility, I’m interested in what happens when we inherit language but boldly decide we don’t have to accept all of its rules.
Maybe we keep the pearls and lose the policing. Own the glamour and expand the gender. Marvel the elegance and make room for audacity. Hell, keep literally whatever feels good to you. And leave the rest on the shelf.
The Keesh Edit: Ladylike: polished, refined, feminine, proper. Baddie-like: whatever makes you feel beautiful, powerful and fully yourself. Consider this permission to keep the pearls and rewrite the rest.
SHOP THE NOTE
Until next time.
FROM MY BOOKSHELF TO YOURS
Lavender Heart Tea — LaKeshia T. Williams
Lavender Heart Tea is my collection of poetry and prose about healing, self-discovery, and finding your way back to yourself. In many ways, Baddie-like asks a similar question: Who are you when you stop performing the version of yourself you were taught to be? Both are invitations to release inherited expectations and make room for a version of you that feels more honest, whole, and entirely your own.
BEFORE YOU GO: Carry authenticity with you. Explore my Healing is Not Linear Notebook Collection—designed for readers, creatives, and anyone becoming themselves